Why adults today don't seem as "adult" as they used to

The image of adulthood, at least in the U.S., has dramatically transformed from what many grew up believing it would be. In a thread on r/AskReddit, redditors weigh in on how modern grown-ups no longer fit the classic, buttoned-up mold they remember seeing in their youth. People are also sharing their theories behind why traditional markers of maturity seem to be slipping away, from easing social norms to harsh economic realities.

The illusion of the grown-up

The simplest answer often boils down to changing perspectives with age. Once people cross the threshold into their 20s and 30s, the mythical, fully formed adult they imagined in their youth — the one who has it all put together, life figured out — quickly reveals itself to be imaginary.

Comment in r/AskReddit

the older you get the more you realize that most adults aren’t as mature and responsible as you thought

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To some degree this. I think as you get older you realize how many adults were always just winging it.

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Welcome to the disappointing realization that adultier adults don't actually exist, no one really has it all figured out, and we're all just doing our best out here

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Partly because as you get older you begin to realize that adults aren’t special and are just kids that got older and are still fumbling through life.
Also the styles and habits of the adults when you were a kid are now out of date, and the styles ands habits of younger adults are similar to what would have been associate with teenagers 10-20 years ago

Breaking the rules of conformity

Past generations arguably adhered to more strict social expectations regarding fashion, behavior, and hobbies once they matured and joined the workforce. Today, redditors point out that many adults are eagerly rejecting this rigid playbook in favor of casual clothing and holding onto the interests that brought them joy in their youth. (Video games and super-baggy skater jeans into your 40s? No problem!)

Comment in r/AskReddit

1. Casual fashion. We imagine adults as men in suits and women in dresses when out in public. These are now both considered over dressed in many professions where they were normal.

2. Smoking is now rare. Deep, raspy voices that we used to associate with age are now gone since so few people smoke.

3. Better skin health. Less time in the direct sun = fewer wrinkles and more youthful appearance.

4. The "younger generation" has always rebelled at what it considers old fashioned or wasteful from the previous generations. New adults have always and will always seem less "adulty" as they establish the new baseline for what "adulty" is.

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I know what you mean. I think we're just more in touch with our childhood. Its less taboo to enjoy things you liked as a kid as an adult. I think its fun!

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Yeah like watching cartoons, anime, playing games, dressing a certain way, collecting certain items were deemed childish, even just the way you speak. We can do what we want now

Back then, i was ridiculed for playing games past a certain age, watching anime was a big no no, had to speak like an adult, dress like an adult.

The price of traditional milestones

While shifting personal perspectives and cultural norms play a part, economic realities serve as a tangible barrier. With skyrocketing housing costs and a more challenging employment landscape, palpable markers of classic adulthood are simply out of reach for a significant portion of the population.

Comment in r/AskReddit

A lot of traditional milestones are being delayed and often times it is a result of not enough money. Men and women are waiting longer to get married. Women are having babies later. It is taking much longer to get a down payment for a house. People aren't staying in the same jobs for 30 years because the incentives aren't there. People have relatively low paying side gigs that some people may not consider a "real" or "big person" job just to get by. I imagine if things were significantly more affordable those trends would decline.

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Well also people were leaving home, starting careers, buying houses, getting married, having kids, and doing all the other "adult" things at a younger age than they are today.

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I think it's a shift in overall long-term stability. I'm 40, and my parents seemed way more "adult" at my age than I think I am (my parents were 28 when I was born).

They were parenting in a way more stable economic climate, where the rules were clearly laid out and easily followed for success. Their retirement was guaranteed. Milestones, like homeownership, were more easily achieved - so they got to relax more, in that aspect.

My generation? That is not the situation. So we cling to nostalgia because it reminds us of a time when things were good and at a seemingly upward trajectory. These days you can "play by the rules" and still come out with nothing to show for it. The milestones get pushed further back, your comfortable future isn't guaranteed at all. It's at best a toss-up at this point whether Social Security will still exist by the time we reach retirement age.

So, why bother acting like you've got it all together when the world is literally crumbling around you?

The definition of adulthood is clearly a moving target. While people will always look at the previous generation as authority figures, the reality is that growing up never looks exactly the same twice. Today's generation is simply writing a new set of rules to live by.

Has adulthood turned out how you expected? The debate continues in r/AskReddit. Find more conversations like this in r/CasualConversation, r/LifeAdvice, and r/Millennials.